


I am in misery (there ain't nobody who can comfort me)

by irritatedcat



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Angst, Drama, Established Relationship, Fluff, Garak Centric, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Mostly Fluff, Oral Sex, Post Series, Reckless Behavior, a little bit of meta, implied sex, many major character cameos, something of a plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-10
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2019-02-12 20:58:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12968298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irritatedcat/pseuds/irritatedcat
Summary: Set after the Dominion War, Castellan Garak has been killed in a transporter accident when trying to board the USS Enterprise for diplomatic talks. Cardassia would have been devastated by the loss, but no one more than Julian Bashir, his husband. Five years later things take an unexpected turn when Garak is revived and learns a lot has changed.Or, that time Garak died and Julian went a little crazy.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Apologies for any canonical inaccuracies. Feel free to drop corrections in the comments.

Orange Cardassian sunshine filtered between the drawn curtains and onto the bed, the strip of it cast a hazy glow to the room, and its heat caused one occupants to hum and stretch while the other hastily pulled their legs up to avoid the warmth. The first gives a pleased, brief laugh, “You have been here for three weeks, how is the sunlight still bothering you?”

“I’m not used to it,” the second replies, still bundled very small at the top of the bed, “I was born in London and the station is always pretty chilly.”

“My dear, you do not have to remind me of how cold the station was.” Says the first as he sits up, the blanket fell to pool at his waist. He is Cardassian, with dust-colored skin, hard, armored scales and thick ridges running along most of his exposed body. He grabs the blanket and tugs it off his companion.

The other man is human, honey-colored and lithe. He scrambled for the blanket and tugged it back over his body, “Don’t do that!”

“Oh no,” the Cardassian says with false trepidation and a slight smile tugging at his lips, “I’ve upset you. However, shall I make up for it?”

The human peeked out from the top of the blanket, squinting and playing at being wary, “I think you know exactly how.”

“Ah,” the Cardassian nodded and his hand slipped under the blanket, lower than the human's chest and he had to lay down to go even lower, “Here? This pleasant little bit of human anatomy that just begs for attention every morning?”

The human hummed and crowded closer to his partner, “But not with your hand.”

“My darling! What barbarian do you take me for?” And with that the Cardassian disappeared under the blankets, the hot strip of sunlight over the blanket arched with the curve of his back and steadily bobbed until the human on the bed was whining pitifully and gripping at the blankets near the Cardassian’s head.

Later— after they had more thoroughly explored each other, and the human was pliant and sticky from what he’d asked for, and the Cardassian was grinning and smug for what he’d been asked to do— they held each other. The sun had moved causing the strip of light to climb the wall and stretch over the ceiling.

“Elim,” the human says into the neck of his partner, “I can’t believe we spent three weeks like this.”

“I fear for your memory, pet, this is hardly all we’ve done for three weeks. We’ve been to all of the museums, we attended four parties with members of my council, we have walked through the Mekar Wilderness, we—“

“Yes, yes, I know. I know that. I meant that we spent three whole weeks together like a normal married couple.” The human said.

“Oh, quite right. It has been immeasurably enjoyable,” the older man sighed, “I don’t think I’ve ever spent _this_ much time in my bed. It’s a good thing this is only temporary or I’d lose my position as Castellan, I’m sure.”

The human sat up, “Come on then, Mr. President, let’s get up. I’ve got packing to do and I’m sure you’ve missed some urgent matter for the Union.”

 

**

“Their shuttle will be here momentarily,” Gul Eumet said when he entered the kitchen of the Castellan's house.

“Well when it does bring them to the door,” Castellan Elim Garak said from his breakfast table. He was done eating and had a warm glass of hevrit juice in his hand. His partner, Chief Medical Officer, Commander Julian Bashir was busy tidying up the kitchen and making tea for their guests.

“This is our first Federation contact, sir, since the True Way assassinated—“

“I am aware, Eumet, of the situation we are in,” Garak said, his eyes very wide and very much telling the young Gul to stop, “Thank you. However, this is exactly the reason I have asked Dr. Bashir to be my companion at this meeting.”

“Wonderful,” Julian said in a deadpan from behind Garak, “A marriage for political advancement. My life is a fairytale.”

Garak grinned, “All is well, Eumet, simply show the Captain and his entourage in.”

Eumet obviously didn’t think Garak had this well in hand, however, it was his role as one of the Castellan’s council to obey. Also, he firmly believed in a United Cardassia and he’d have done almost anything to stop these True Way extremists from doing any further damage to their culture. The True Way group was sinister, there were xenophobic and hostile, insisting only old families be in power and that Cardassia isolate itself and use only the resources it had to survive. Given their planets failing conditions many people knew this wasn’t feasible and would lead to their destruction. Garak, especially, believed in using resources from other species and planets to rebuild their planet.

Once the shuttle landed Eumet greeted the visiting Starfleet Captain and key members from his crew, “I am Gul Eumet,” he said, a wisp of a Cardassian compared to their Castellan, but what he lacked in size he made up for in cunning. “Our Castellan has asked me to meet you and show you to his personal residence.”

“Very well,” said the Captain, a lean, very tall man with a tone of clipped self-importance and dedication to duty. He was almost Cardassian himself, Eumet thought, “This way, Captain Picard.”

In a breakfast room on Cardassia Prime might not be the most interesting of locations for beginning peace talks, however, it had to do. War was brimming between the Federation and Cardassia and the reality was the Cardassian people were barely recovered from the Dominion. Garak had been spending a great deal of time with the Federation and their ilk, and while he didn’t always agree with their policies he knew that Cardassia would need to form powerful allies to avoid becoming isolated. Similarly, in times of strife, the Federation was a gentle opponent as they sought diplomacy over battles and tended to agree more quickly to the other parties conditions.

Garak could argue policies with the best the Federation could offer, but on this day, he would not. On this occasion, he would invite the Captain and his closest advisors to his table. Julian already agreed to make a Terran meal and was nearly done doing so. Eumet would be close by and when an agreement was managed he’d lay down the document of tenative conditions and agreements to be signed right away.

Picard sat down with Commander Riker on his left and Deanna Troi on his right and they broke bread and made pleasant small talk. Julian was very hospitable and Garak preened to have such an agreeable mate. Certainly, Julian was not _always_ agreeable, but he was when he needed to be. He made earl grey tea for the Captain, and Betazed chocolates for the counselor, and he swapped tales of rakish nights on Risa with Riker. Garak and Picard largely watched each other until the polite chat died down and they turned to more serious matters.

Through the course of the afternoon, terms were defined and it was decided that the Castellan would accompany the Captain back to Federation headquarters and there sign a treaty of peace and trade. This was extremely dangerous because True Way operatives would no doubt be nearby; they had already killed many Cardassians and were still upset their man had lost against Garak in the election. They devised a plan to sneak Garak onto the Federation ship by beaming him directly from his home to the Enterprise. They’d also stage a falling out so the Starfleet officers could leave under threats and if anyone was watching they may think the talks failed.

It wasn’t much, but it was all they had and so they were going to give it a shot.

Everything went according to plan; they reached an agreement, signed a document detailing what the next steps would be, and had a false argument wherein Picard, Riker and Troi ran from the dwelling.

Julian pulled Garak in by the lapels of his collar and _kissed_ him so hard the Cardassian stumbled. They dropped into a chair and Julian wouldn’t stop until Garak pulled himself away, “My dear! What’s gotten into you?”

“Just in case this doesn’t work and one of us dies,” Julian joked.

“How pessimistic. I’m almost ashamed to see I’m rubbing off on you.” Garak said, grinning, “Forgive me, I must go to the location for the beam out. Will you come as well?”

“No,” Julian said, “I’ve got to confirm my shuttle flight time tomorrow.”

“Quite right. Contact me once you’re safe aboard the station?” Garak asked.

“Absolutely,” Julian said, allowing his partner to rise and go to the bedroom.

 

**

“Are we ready to beam up the Castellan, Number One?” Picard asked, in one of the Enterprise's transporter rooms.

“Aye, sir,” Riker replied, having just checked and re-checked the console. Picard nodded and they engaged the transporter beam. Unfortunately, this treaty was never meant to be because, as soon as Garak dematerialized from his bedroom the transporter began beeping wildly and the energy signature was becoming weaker.

“What is happening?” Picard asked, his tone urgent as he stepped closer to the pad.

“I don’t know, sir,” said the transporter operator, “I’m losing him! His energy is being scrambled, sir—“ the beam cut out and the room was silent, “—he’s gone.”

 

**

Eumet was wiping the room for evidence of a beam out when what had once been Elim Garak reappeared on the floor. The proud Cardassian was now a mass of grey flesh, bones, and clothes hazardously fused together in a small pile on the floor. The thing had no mouth, no face or hands or anything humanoid. However, it had two eyes on either side of the pile, as if they had melted from his face. Those eyes, piercing, and blue, set upon Eumet with recognition. Eumet screamed and fell backward, staggering away from the creature.

Julian heard the scream, grabbed his phaser and ran up the stairs to the bedroom. He froze at the scene and his stomach lurched, fixated now on the thing. He could never explain how he knew, maybe it was the eyes, but every ounce of his body told Julian that _this_ was Garak. Julian’s breath quickened and he fell to his knees on the ground beside it, “Elim!” he shouted, reached out, touched it— touched his husband— “Elim!”

Eumet had recovered enough to grab Julian’s medical tricorder and pushed it into his hands. Shakily, Julian scanned and confirmed it was Garak who was rapidly losing life signs. Julian had nothing that could stop the process and seconds later Garak flatlined and the eyes stopped shifting and the whole thing seemed to sink in on itself. It was dead. Garak was dead.

 

**

“Is this procedure safe?”

“Define safe.”

“Could it make things worse?”

“Is there anything worse than being a puddle?”

“See here, I’m just making sure he’ll have his mind intact once this is done.”

“I can promise nothing. But, it’s your only chance, isn’t it?”

“It is Cardassia’s only chance.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Julian!” Garak shouted as he sat upright and looked around frantically. He had had a feeling of weightlessness moments ago and was now awake. His entire body was throbbing with pain and he had the distinct feeling something was wrong though he couldn’t recall anything after kissing Julian in the breakfast room.

“He’s awake!” Someone said gleefully and rushed over, she was a human, very tall for most females and Garak thought maybe she ought to sleep more given the circles under her eyes.

“Who are you?” Garak asked, furious.

“Dr. Soong,” the woman replied, “But that isn’t important right now. How do you feel?” she asked and pulled out a medical tricorder, Starfleet issue, he noted.

“What is going on?” Garak asked.

“That will be revealed later,” she told him and turned away to the console by his bed, “Your vital signs are normal. Will you please stand up?”

“I’m not wearing any pants.” He told her.

“That doesn’t matter,” Dr. Soong said, “Up.”

Garak sighed and carefully stood. He felt weak and light-headed, but he stood and gave her an annoyed look for forcing him to do this, “What happened?”

“Your bones seem to be holding; that’s good. I was worried.” The doctor ignored his questions and bustled about the sterile white room. Garak resigned to patience, briefly, and watched her.

“Soong,” he said, and recalled all Julian had told him of the augment wars and he laughed at the irony. How could one family cause so many problems in the galaxy? It was a shame their ancestor had not been tried by Cardassia because then none of those foolish— wait. “Am I to assume I’ve been genetically altered?”

Dr. Soong laughed and something about it reminded him of Jadzia Dax, “Something like that,” she said, and walked over, holding a data padd, “I’m not allowed to give details because I don’t know them. I was hired to fix you using an experimental genetic procedure and it worked. This is a form I need you to sign so I can later publish this in a body of my work."

Garak frowned, “What did you do to me?”

“I rebuilt your entire genetic material using scraps of DNA from transporter logs and a bag of meat.” She said, grinning, “I basically rebuilt your entire body by manipulating the cell production! The only other time I’ve heard of such a procedure used Borg nanoprobes! I—“

“Yes, well done,” Garak sighed, and he signed the waiver because she seemed the type not to take no for an answer. He recalled his earlier question: “What is happening?”

“I’ll need to monitor you a few more days to make sure the cells continue working, but, I think you’ll be good as new by then.” She said.

“Yes. Wonderful. _Thank you_. What is going on?!” Garak frowned at himself for losing his temper but really, one could only ask so much from a red-blooded Cardassian male.

“You were dead. I revived you. Your friends will be here soon to explain it all,” the doctor said spritely.

“Dead?!” He asked, and she ignored him.

 

**

A week later the doctor told him they’d be having company. Since being forcibly detained Garak had learned a lot about this human and found he rather liked her; she was like Julian in a way. Easily excitable, dedicated to working, vigilant, and highly competent. He longed for his husband but the doctor had made it clear she didn’t know anything about him outside of the procedure. She now coined it a success and managed his progress with a few accelerant injections a day, presumably to keep the cells active, but she was giving him less and less injections by the day.

There was a beep from the door and the doctor opened it, and in stepped Garak’s council _and_ Garak! The Cardassian stood from the biobed and strode over, “What is the meaning of this?” he waved at the imposter.

“Sir, it is me, Gul Eumet,” said the Not-Garak.

“Surgery to look like me?” Garak asked, turning his eyes on his advisors, “Why?”

“Sir,” said Legate Zivil, a man who had supported Damar during the occupation and had long since made his loyalties clear to Garak, “It is a long story, please sit down.”

Garak sat and was told what happened after his death; the transporter accident had been the result of True Way interference, they had altered a man to pose as human and infiltrated the Enterprise, from there the operative had contaminated Garak’s data stream and scrambled it sending back a fleshy-mass which died shortly after rematerializing in his home. Garak vaguely recalled Julian screaming his name in terror. The council explained they couldn’t sacrifice stability for the people so they asked Eument to undergo cosmetic surgery to look like Garak and continue with the peace talks. This was successful and Eumet had managed to secure many favors and support from their new allies since he’d been in charge. Garak was very impressed and very pleased with the progress; it was devious and ensured the good for their people.

“Excellent. When may I return to my position?” Garak asked.

“As soon as tomorrow,” Zivil told him, pleased that Garak was taking this so well.

“Good,” Garak said, “That will give me time with Julian beforehand. I’m sure he’s stayed nearby to oversee things with Dr. Soong.”

A cold silence fell over the room.

“Where is Julian?” Garak asked. He noted that he was using his partner's given name a lot recently; he assumed it was the absence that made him sentimental.

“No one knows,” Eumet in his Garak suit said, “He left shortly after you were declared officially dead.”

“Well call him back! He can’t have gone very far in a few weeks!” Garak said.

“Uh…” Eumet said inelegantly.

“Well,” Zivil said, looking at the other members of the council for aid.

“It has been five years since the accident, sir,” said Legate Delur who was very unpopular for his direct, unfaltering speech. Garak hated him a bit too, but also appreciated the honesty.

That settled things, then, and Garak stood, “Very well.” He began to straighten his clothes and took up the small case of them Dr. Soong had replicated for him at the beginning of the week.

“Where are you going?” Zivil asked.

“I am going to find my husband,” Garak replied, “Who knows what’s happened to him in all this time.”

“Sir, he wouldn’t speak with us,” Zivil explained quickly.

“I do not blame you. He’s very stubborn and irrational and that is why I must go to him right away,” Garak explained.

“Sir,” Eumet said, “What of Cardassia?”

“Are we at war?”

“No, but—“

“Are there any civil uprisings?”

“No, but—“

“Are the Klingons particularly upset today?”

“No, sir,”

“Then Cardassia is fine. She is safe in your _very_ capable hands, Eumet. I have total faith in your ability to manage as Castellan a while longer. My husband, however, is not a planet. He’s a very emotional human and I must find him and make sure he is well. Good day.” Garak nodded politely then strode out of the room, down the corridor of the Obsidian Order building, onto the streets of the Imperial Market and then home to contact Deep Space Nine, surely they would know where Julian had gone.

 

**

“Castellan,” A Bajoran woman said from the Captain’s seat on Deep Space Nine. She was looking slightly annoyed and certainly not pleased to see him, “How can I help you?”

“Captain,” he smiled at her, hoping to win some favor, “I’m looking for Doctor Bashir.”

“He resigned his Starfleet commission five years ago.” She said, “I don’t know where he is.”

Garak felt his blood run cold; Julian loved Starfleet. He wouldn’t have just abandoned it, the Cardassian felt every alarm in his body go off. Something had gone very wrong. However, he gave none of that way, and instead shrugged, “Well, thank you. Do you know his last whereabouts?”

“No,” She replied, “Now if you excuse me I have some pressing matters to address. Ro out.”

He had many more questions than answers now. It was as if Julian was something of a scandal and Garak couldn’t fathom how or why. Hastily, he contacted Starfleet Headquarters and was met with the grinning face of now-Admiral Riker. He felt somewhat better, the Captain at the station had been totally unfamiliar and it took time to learn how to charm someone. Riker, however, that was much simpler.

“Castellan!” Riker said, “How can I help you? I trust the terraforming crew we sent is working to your standards.”

Terraforming? Garak gawked at the casual question, then reminded himself how essential small talk was to gather favors, so he smiled and said, “Oh, yes! However, I’m calling on a more personal matter.”

“I hope everything is alright,” Riker said, his tone somewhat more serious.

“Yes,” Garak said, “I’m trying to connect with someone from my past. You see, we had a falling out and I haven’t been able to contact him. Doctor Julian Bashir?”

Riker’s face clouded over and he sighed, “I can’t help you, sir.”

“That’s fine; but can you tell me where he was last seen?” Garak asked.

“I can tell you that someone on Deep Space Nine can give you the information you’re looking for,” Riker said, “But that’s all I can do. Good luck, Castellan, if you’re going after Bashir you’re going to need it.” Riker disengaged the communication.

Garak stood there, shocked. What did that _mean_? If you’re going after Bashir? What had Julian gotten himself into in five years? Regardless, Garak knew he needed to locate Julian right away and make sure he was alright. He contacted Eumet who agreed to bring him by way of his personal shuttle to Deep Space Nine. He also agreed to lie low for a few weeks so no one would realize there were two Castellan Garak’s.

A few days later Garak was striding across what was once called the promenade. The station had been rebuilt and had new shops and restaurants and even a park nearby! It was much more interesting now and he almost wanted to explore what it had to offer. However, amidst all of this change there stood Quarks. The Cardassian walked directly into the bar and was delighted to see his old companion was still the same orange-skinned, conniving, and delightful businessman he’d been many years ago.

“You’re a sight for sore eyes,” Quark said to Garak, “I’m not surprised to see you, though.”

“No? And why is that?” Garak asked.

“Not a word in all this time but suddenly a certain hu-man is missing? I know everything that goes on in this Quadrant.” Quark told him.

“So, where _is_ he, then?” Garak asked, allowing a bit of urgency in his tone.

“Oh, it isn’t as simple as that. And, it’s going to cost ya.” Quark smiled all teeth.


	3. Chapter 3

They settled on a price and then went to one of the holosuites where Quark placed a dampening field and then conjured a comfortable sitting room. They took a seat opposite one another. Garak was trying to contain how eager he was for the Ferengi to begin.However, when Quark did Garak almost wished he hadn’t asked for _all_  of the details and only demanded _where_ Julian had last been seen. Still, he didn’t interrupt Quark in his telling no matter how much guilt he began to feel or how his stomach lurch.

“After your accident- we all know about the accident, by the way. The official story is that you were hospitalized for a few weeks. The Bashir version is you died; that’s when he came into my bar crying and intent on telling his tale. It was extremely unsettling, Garak, I don’t mind telling you. I’ve seen the doctor in all sorts of states but not this. Nothing like this. I’ve never seen anyone so careless of their appearance and blubbering like that in a public place. Nothing would get him out of my bar until he told me how you’d died five or six times.” The Ferengi said, frowning disapprovingly at Julian's behavior.

Garak hoped his face did not betray anything. Quark eventually carried on, undaunted, “Eventually I got him drinking and he stopped all that racket. Though, I’m not sure he was better off drunk or not. He started a long rant about righting wrongs and putting things back. I didn’t ask what he meant. The next second he ran off to the medical bay and no one saw him for a few days. The next week he chartered an Andorian shuttle and was off to Andor.”

“Whatever for?” Garak asked.

Quark explained there had been a crisis on Andor, one the Federation was against addressing or helping with. Garak vaguely recalled the Federation president making a fuss about treaties and lines. Garak knew there was no way his Julian could ever have ignored people’s suffering, and he wasn’t surprised that Julian had disobeyed orders to help.

“After that,” Quark continued, “He was arrested for it and dishonorably discharged. Around that time one of those augments we housed before- you remember them? They were an unsettling lot. Well, the one, Sarina Douglas, she came around and was asking about him too. I told her just what I’m telling you. I don’t know how but that girl got him off the hook and he was honorably discharged and they went to live on Andor.”

“They went to live?” Garak asked, eyebrows arching at the insinuation in Quark's tone.

“That’s what I’ve been told.” Quark said, watching Garak unblinkingly.

Garak chose not to assume that Julian had gotten involved with her. He resigned to _if_ Julian _had_ gotten involved it was out of grief. Garak had been dead and couldn’t have expected lifelong celibacy of his husband, “Go on,” he prompted, boxing it away to analyze later.

“The rumors say that on Andor there was an altercation. Something extremely dangerous happened, and suddenly he cut all ties with everyone here. Ezri started to ask about him sometimes, so I know they haven't been talking. Everyone here was talking about it; about how he’d gone right off the deep end. There were rumors from the Andorians about him stealing government secrets and betraying Starfleet. Then, for two years, we didn’t hear anything. Last year word came that he was hospitalized and people started saying that Sarina Douglas was dead.” Quark said.

“And no one has any idea why?” Garak asked.

“There are rumors, as I said,” Quark replied, “But I don’t put too much stock in those. However, I do put stock in encrypted Starfleet records.”

“Oh?” Garak asked, “Were you able to access them?”

“No,” Quark said, “but I did place a few favors and if any of them turn out worthwhile I’ll let you know what’s in them, too.”

“You certainly have it all covered,” Garak said, and sighed, “Well, what happened after the hospital?”

“That, I don’t know. He was discharged and no one has seen or heard from him since. People keep asking but he could be anywhere in the universe, Garak. He could even be dead,” the Ferengi said.

“I refuse to believe that without proof.” Garak replied, then stood, “I’ll be on the station for a few days. If anything happens do contact me. I’m going to go do some research of my own.”

 

**

Garak had been assigned temporary quarters that had limited access to the station's database. Also, the new station was Federation in design and Garak had little to no chance of figuring out the encryption codes without getting himself caught. He settled down on the bed and tried to plan Julian’s behavior and piece the stories together to see if he could figure out what happened next.

As Garak understood it, Julian was overcome with grief and decided to return home. He was upset and he told Quark the whole sorry affair. Julian had been complaining about all the new people on the station and lacking connection with his friends when he was visiting before the accident. Garak recalled him mentioning that he had asked to be reassigned either to Cardassia as a relief doctor or to Intelligence. Garak had teased that his spy fetish would get him killed one day. Julian told him a man could have many passions.

That was something.

Julian wouldn’t want to be reassigned to Cardassia if he thought Garak was dead. Obviously, his second choice would have been the Intelligence agency. Likely the Andorian side-trip had been a ruse to throw people off his scent. Also likely his life on Andor with Ms. Douglas had been similar; a fabrication to keep people from knowing what he was doing. They were probably friends, maybe even lovers, but it hadn’t been real. Julian did everything with passion and if he had been passionate about that life he’d still be there and she would be alive. Julian did nothing in halves, but if he was harmed in a mission, and did not love her truly, he might have taken that as an excuse to run.

Garak wondered if he was right. If Julian would allow a young woman to die just so he could run away. He honestly wasn’t sure; some of this was typical behavior for Julian. He was probably trying to be heroic, and adhering to his strict moral code despite the consequences. Honestly, Garak couldn't figure out how Sarina fi in. Unless she had been his bridge to the agency-- a lifestyle he had long since been romanticizing. And, maybe, her death hadn’t been his fault. Just a fault of the mission they’d been on. And that was what had caused him to run.

That made much more sense.

Perhaps he’d accomplished an objective and was allowed to retire. Garak thought that was also very probable. Julian wouldn’t leave anything unfinished and if anyone had needed him to continue working he would have done so. His lack of activity was either that he’d been assigned elsewhere to regroup or to lie low for a mission, or he was retired and had settled down where no one would find him. Garak dismissed the first option; Julian would never just take a break even if it had been an order. He had to be bullied into stopping his research to visit his husband, he wouldn’t have thought about his own health. Garak also dismissed the second option, Quark knew a lot. If Julian had been stationed elsewhere there would be talk. He wasn’t exactly unknown out here in deep space; there would be sightings, rumors, gossip. There wasn’t. There hadn’t been for months. No, now Garak was almost positive Julian had left and likely retired and was hiding.

But where?

Garak sighed and thought of Julian’s favorite places and people. He wasn’t with Starfleet, and he wasn’t in contact with any of his old friends. He wasn’t on Risa, certainly, that had been simply a vacation spot, not a home to him. He wasn’t on Cardassia, Bajor, or Deep Space Nine. He had ties there but hadn’t gone to hide there, again, people would have known him and he’d have known people living there. He had cut ties with all of his friends and Starfleet had told Garak to be careful in this pursuit.

Garak sat up suddenly as he was hit with a realization.

Earth.

Julian was hiding on Earth

It made the most sense: he had no ties to the planet or culture there. He often remarked how much he disliked it and no one who knew him would expect him to go there. It was the perfect place because of how much indifference he had built up towards his home planet. Garak felt certain and began researching London, the place Julian said he was born. It was likely that would be where he returned to given it was a place he somewhat knew after so much uncertainty.

His parents lived on Earth but Julian avoided them at all costs; the O’Briens did as well but they hadn’t spoken in several years. It was unlikely Julian would try to mend that friendship now, he was too prideful. No, as Garak thought of it, this made the most sense. No one would look for him on Earth.

Garak began to familiarize himself with Earth and booked several shuttles to get there. The journey would take a few weeks but he was sure it would be well worth it to find his husband. Each shuttle brought him closer but gave him greater feelings of anxiety. Would Julian believe his story? Would he trust Elim after having seen Eumet having conducted business as him- as Garak? Would Julian even love him anymore, or would he be involved with someone else? Worse yet, would Julian even be alive? So much misfortune had befallen him recently and humans were terribly fragile things.

He hoped it would be fine and tried to put any doubt out of his mind during the journey.

 

**

Garak arrived in Paris on a transport from a Federation ship several weeks later. He had no idea what it meant to be in Paris but he’d never _seen_ so many humans and found they were all a lot more like Julian than they were Sisko or O’Brien. The people he passed were quick to laugh and seemed pleased to just be alive. Garak reminded himself there would be time later to observe them, for now, he needed to focus on his search. He found a teleporting device but couldn’t understand how to work it. His research had said they worked much like a transporter, one need only tell it where to go, however, Garak was not certain he was saying _London, England_ correctly and didn’t want to end up in the wrong place. Instead, he found one of the old trains which still ran between the two cities.

“Where to?” The man at the counter of the station asked, he was part human and seemed to have some Klingon in him if the deep grooves on his forehead and receding hairline was any indication.

“London, England,” Garak said as clearly as he could.

The engineer nodded and handed him a data rod, “Give that to the conductor on the train when they ask for your ticket.”

Garak boarded and sat near a young group of Terran women. They were talking pleasantly and laughing. Garak ignored them until he was asked for his ticket by the conductor, which he passed over and then settled in for the ride. He closed his eyes and thought of Julian. About his jovial, inquisitive moods, and his pert backside, and his too-big grin, and how he sang in the shower. He remembered when Julian introduced him to his ridiculous stuffed bear, Kukalaka, and how the young man had been beaming when Garak inspected it. He recalled seeing it every time Julian visited and he regretted not having Julian reassigned sooner. He should have insisted Julian work on Cardassia and live with him; they’d have been able to spend much more time together. They would have had more time to read with each other, share experiences, have sex, and do all the domestic things Julian wanted.

When the train arrived Garak didn’t see the appeal in the city, but that seemed to make it even more of a place for Julian to hide. Garak knew that humans were very particular about logs and records, so he was sure he’d be able to locate Julian using one of their databases to hopefully find his coordinates. Garak hoped he had selected the right city because it would be exhausting doing this in every single town on the entire planet.

As he considered what to do he recalled the Cardassian Embassy and contacted them, he was in touch with a young operative who said she would contact him within the hour. Garak found a small café on the corner of a street and sat down, relaxing as he waited for the communique to come through. One hour later his padd beeped and he opened the message from the young agent.

“Good afternoon Castellan,” the message read, “I have located one Julian Bashir who arrived within the last eleven months. He resides in South London; I have sent you the address. Should you need anything further please contact me. Good luck.”

Garak entered the address into his padd and found himself hailing an air-cab. It wouldn’t be long now.

 

**

Garak walked up to a sloping grey rowhome along a back street. He marched to the front door and knocked. He waited for a moment and there was no response. He knocked again, much louder this time, and still nothing. Annoyed, the Cardassian used the flat of his fist and pounded on the door. He knew Julian was in there.

The door jerked suddenly open and stopped when the chain on the inside pulled tautly. They stared at each other through the brief opening. Julian looked very different; on his face a greying beard had grown, his eyes were sunken in, his face just a bit too thin than it had been before. Then, just as quick, the slammed the door shut.

Garak heard fumbling from inside and then the door flung open and Julian threw himself at Garak who caught him. Julian squeezed, “Elim!” he gasped, his voice wet with tears and scratchy from disuse, “You’re alive!”

Garak squeezed Julian tightly, feeling all his ribs and vertebrae and how much weight had been lost over the years, “Yes, my dear. I missed you very much.”

“I missed you too,” Julian said, he cupped Garak’s jaw in his palms and kissed him. They stood on the steps of Julian’s row home holding each other.


	4. Chapter 4

They eventually made it into Julian's sparsely furnished home. Garak observed the cheap sofa, chair and coffee table. There was a small viewscreen mounted on a wall indicating the house was extremely old and not wired for the amenitites they enjoyed on Starships.

There were old food containers that were empty; this indicated Julian had been ordering food from nearby restaurants and hadn't cleaned up the space in seven or eight meals. Garak wondered how old they were; Julian was too thin to be eating regularly. To their left was a dark staircase and Garak wondered if Julian ever climbed them. There were no rugs or statues or pictures on the walls. It was empty of any personality. Also, the small spapce was dark beacause Julian only had one lamp by the sofa. As they neared the sofa Garak noticed it had a single pillow and blanket.

The Cardassian frowned. This was very unlike Julian. Staying in such a shabby place for a long while and not making it his own? Unsettling! But sleeping in the same space as he ate? Well, that told Garak how far his husband had slipped.

Julian pulled Garak to the sofa and the Castellan tripped over a box and landed on top of Julian. He moved away quickly, "Did I hurt you, my dear?"

Julian shook his head, his face was cast in shadows but Garak could smell his tears, "I'm fine."

"You absolutely are not." Garak told him, "What happened?"

Julian shook his head, "I don't want to talk about it. Garak. I thought you were dead!"

"Ssshh," Garak said and pulled Julian to his chest, "We'll talk about all of this later. For now, Julian, you need to rest."

Julian cried a bit longer, soaking Garak's shirt as he did. Eventually Julian settled down into an exhausted sleep and Garak held him the entire time. He was glad Julian was alive and knew he could fix all the other ailments and traumas in due time. Julian was back with him now and that meant he was safe.

 

**  
Weeks passed and they stayed in Julian's small house while he recuperated. Garak made an effort to decorate the house for them- mostly for Julian. He opened the windows and bought curtains. He cleaned all the boxes away and cooked meals every night. He usually made pasta dishes that Julian liked with heavy cream sauces. The carbohydrates did their job because soon Julian filled out to nearly his former weight.

Julian spent a great deal of his time very close to Garak or sleeping. He didn't want to read or watch a holofilm or do any of the things he enjoyed. He only wanted to keep Garak within his sight so he knew the man wasn't going anywhere. Through that Garak made sure to keep their conversations light and safe and acted as if they hadn't just been separated for five years.

It was a long road to travel down. After two months Julian finally let Garak use the restroom on his own. The same day Garak took a walk at the peak of the afternoon by himself. There was progress and later some more; long sessions holding one another but nothing sexual. Julian exploring his memories to see what Garak knew of the accident and before it. Julian was seldom emotional now so Garak felt okay to move forward.

Garak told Julian what had happened to him. He didn't ask anything of Julian; not for any information or details. He told Julian about Dr. Soong and her experiments. He talked of being dead for five years as Gul Eumet posed as him. He told Julian of his single-minded search for his husband. He talked about seeing their old friends (sort of) and the moody Bajoran woman who now captained the station. His shuttle trips to Earth and how his heart dropped to his belly when Julian first opened the door.

Julian did not open up about his ordeals and Garak hadn't expected that of him. He talked a little bit about his work for Section 31 and the crisis on Andor which had lead him to a life outside of the Federation. He didn't talk about Sarina Douglas and Garak didn't mind that either. He mentioned some missions where he'd been hurt and Garak thought foolishly of how to kiss those hurts away. Julian talked about coming to Earth to hide; though there was something unsaid. He didn't get upset as he spoke and was confident in the decisions he'd made over the five years. Garak was proud of him and said so and that made Julian tear up.

"You shouldn't be," he said. Garak waited for more; "You shouldn't be. I did all of that hoping someone may kill me. Atomize me and then... I could be with you."

Garak ached to have his suspicions confirmed, "But my dear then you wouldn't have been here when I revived."

"So?" Julian asked, biting, distant, always so cruel when he felt cornered, "You're not really Garak. You're artificial cells fused with his genetic code that somehow has his memories. A clone. Not really him."

Garak nodded, he hadn't considered his new origins or how Julian might process this. Julian considered his old self- Jules- dead. That person was gone and Julian rose from the augmentation. It made sense he struggled to see Garak as the same entity given what Dr. Soong had had to work with. He wasn't offended by Julian's outburst either; there was truth to it. He was different and the body was new. And Garak would spare the cliches of how his love had persisted. And he'd not say how much he didn't think he was a clone because of his memories.

Instead, he said, "You need only tell me what you want, my dear, and I'll do it."

 

**  
Two weeks later Julian had become distant. They still lived together but they hadn't held each other or kissed. Garak knew he had to return to Cardassia soon; he loved Julian but it had been nearly four months since he was revived and he had a duty to his people. Garak knew this would be a hurdle for them and he hoped it was one Julian would get over. However he didn't know the extent of Julian's trauma. He could only guess at what the man needed.

One night Julian came up behind him and stroked the sensitive scales at his ears. Garak turned to look at the human, "My dear?"

"I've thought about it a lot. I think that you're more Garak than I gave you credit for and I'm sorry I've been so moody." he said.

"Apology accepted." Garak grinned and snagged Julian and pulled him into his lap. 

They booked a shuttle back to Cardassia the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos! & there is a chance of a smutty epilogue....


End file.
